my boyfriend chooses his family over memy boyfriend chooses his family over me

I need to accept it or move on I guess. HELP! ZDhhNjA5MzlkMzBiMTdmNGI3MTExNTk3ZmMyNGE2MmNkNGRjYjY2NTQwYWFk We may be close because of our daughter, but its hard when she is not around because then all his attention goes back on her again and ignores me completely. Boyfriend chooses his sister over me. So, I've been dating my boyfriend for nine months. It's give and take. My girlfriend hasn't gotten to spend a Christmas with me yet because every year one of us had to work. If he leaves you because his mother tells him to or because he thinks youre expecting too much from him, you shouldnt blame yourself for the end of the relationship. His mother was in charge of things and sadly still is. I love my boyfriend vry much . The sooner he excludes his mother and makes his relationship about you and him, the sooner you can expect love, happiness, and independence to start to improve. My partner and i have been living together for 3 years. NDBmYjZmMTcwYmJhODliYTkwYzk4YzU5NTMzMTA5OWY0M2IwM2NiNjc0OTY2 You can't expect people - even your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences. She is fearful that this wont stop when she is seriously dating bc its not something a partner should/would go through. I am still struggling to understand why he chose his daughter over me. However, today i cooked a special dinner & hardly had any time to spend with him csuse he slept most of the day . i broke up with a boyfriend of 6 yrs for the same reason. Compromise somewhere!!!! My advice is to talk about it with the guy first and try to resolve things. When youre prepared to open up to him about it, tell him youre not trying to cause problems but that you want to talk about something very, very important to you. Copyright 2023 - SmartRelationshipTips.Com | All Rights Reserved. eyJtZXNzYWdlIjoiZmJkNDZiMjEwMmU5NDg2ODY1NTU3MDIwOWU4YzI0NmQz The result is something ofestrangement from his mom. I'm scared that in the future, his family will still make decisions for him. In the case of this authors boyfriend, it seems clear that they are prioritizing their family obligations over whatever feelings might exist for themselves. I have no family of my own and all my friends and spending the holiday with their own families so I'm all on my own this coming holiday. Welcome to r/relationship_advice. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of maintaining his relationship The video's caption, "Covering my parents kitchen in peanut butter," shows a before shot of a normal-looking kitchen, only to have it cut to almost every square inch of the said kitchen . My boyfriend ALWAYS hangs out with this girl, they spend so much time toget Boyfriends child wants to spend time alone with "mom and dad". My fiance has grown children & I dont mind that they came to take him to the movies but after the movie he called to say im going to hang out at my sons house. What should I do? Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. I do not know if I am only asking for too much of his time or if he really chooses his family over me. He's prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she wants him to do. You should either find a compromise or leave. So much so that I've never even met her, nor am I allowed on her property (which is actually no issue for me I'm OK with staying far away from her, believe it or not). Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of maintaining his relationship on his own. Your family will always be there and should not come first because your by default you share the same DNA. Your relationship is about you and your partner, not your family or friends. Growing up an American, there were some serious cultural differences between him and his mom. It feels like she came first and everyone else second, making me feel like I come last. He still tells me things will work out, but it seems hopeless because he never spends any time with me. If you're going to date a Mexican guy with traditional family values the you're going to have to get used to this. To Hell, because of me! Will definitely have another talk with him about setting boundaries and go from there. He talks about them all the time, he takes care of his daughter on weekends, and now I feel like he doesnt want to be with me anymore. That is complete BS. She's a psychiatrist and a strict Muslim, and she hates me. His mom. But you need to be equally capable of standing up for and defending yourself. Doesn't have to be every year!!! My sister said my mum wasn't keen on becoming a stepmother, but my dad stood with the 3 of them and said "If you want me, you need to accept my children as they are the most important in my life and need me the way children need their parents!" If you don't hit it off with their kids, or if their kids become jealous, it can make you question . ZjNjNmU4YWIyYmUwNGU5ZWE2MTQ2OTgzODY4NjAzNTM5MDBkMjMyZDcxMjYy You cant make him choose you over his mom/family because you dont have that kind of power. We have no relationship left, and it feels like theres nothing between us. Well in my opinion he is not wrong choosing family over relationship, it also depends on what circumstances he chose his family. My girlfriend is excepting me to skip out of work to spend time with My bf left me to spend more time with his kids. Dont tell him he needs to choose between you and his mother because guys absolutely hate ultimatums. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Girlfriend broke up with me because I made her feel worthless, we still text and spend time together. In doing so, hell placate her anger and make her feel important for being listened to. I knew a Guy who had about five close friends and drinking buddies. And she went away last year and I just had to deal with it. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of maintaining his relationship on his own. What does he do that makes you feel insignificant? what should i do? In the end, I cant change who he chose, so instead of wasting my time and energy, I am focusing on myself because at least then no one will have to choose between their child and me.In this case, it seems clear that they are prioritizing their family obligations over whatever feelings might exist for themselves.. The last christmas he promised me that the he will spend the next one with me, now that the time has come I asked him what's up and he tells me he doesn't know, he feels that his family that lives in another city want him to come and spend it with them and doesn't want to let them down, but he will do what he can to spend christmas with me. MDc1MmMyOWQ5YjE2NTE4ZGE1NWVkNTg3ZjczYWNkMzU1MzA0YjM3MWIzMDE3 NDg3YTE5NmU0MTAwMDc3OGU0OGFmYmNmYWFkZmViYjUwNWRhZjcxMzM3MGUx Do you believe that children should always prioritize family relationships, or does love trump all? here it is almost 1 am & he still out enjoying his day. This isnt just unhealthy but also damaging to the relationship. So start the conversation respectfully (not meekly). I have a friend who is trying to get away from this dynamic. Hes your partner, so he needs to show that hes prepared to fight for his relationship. I even tried to break up with him a couple of months later, because I thought the differences in our backgrounds were too great. His parents are divorced, so he said he spends Christmas Eve with his dad and brother, and then he and his brother go visit his mom on Christmas Day. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window). Thats the only way hell regain some independence and demonstrate that he respects you and prioritizes you. My dad was a single dad to 3 children when he met my mum. Krieszta Follow Xper 4 Age: 32 We are together fo almost two years. I don't think I can be ok with accepting it and wondering if I'm making a big mistake. MTdkZGFhMzY0ZGQ3ZDgzMzk1OWNkMWJiNTI4MGYzMDFjNTM2OTUxM2Y5ZmE5 Your boyfriend is enmeshed with his family and values their opinions and approval over yours. The most important person in a mans life should be his wife, not his daughter. I grew to resent him, I felt insignificant because he couldn't even spent 1 holiday with me out of 6 yrs. Honestly, it could be worse. They tell her when they will be at her house if she is lucky. Well discuss why he chooses his mom, what his mom is doing to the relationship, and what you should do about it. Quite the contrary, she's sort of just let her son float away like a balloon on a cool, cloudless day. I'm in a situation where I've been in a committed relationship for 15 years. He has never spend christmas with me. Need help with your relationship? They need to stay out of it to help you grow. They had an arranged marriage after migrating to the U.S., where my boyfriend was born. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two months. Before he and his family ruins your life. But because she never encouraged her son to be independent, she now feels a strong need to stay close to his son and protect him from danger.. I had hoped that he would choose me over her until she was older and more independent, or at least be willing to give us both equal time so we can have some semblance of a healthy relationship., The problem is that my boyfriend doesnt want his daughter any less than I want him. Why Do I Keep Seeing My Ex-Boyfriend's Name Everywhere? It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with him or if it just means we are not meant to be. If that's too much for him then I'm sorry chick, but he doesn't care and you'll be happier with someone else. Fathers day. Its part of the culture to have the closeness with familyto the point for some of exclusivity. His situation is a little complicated because his parents are divorced, so out of the 3 christmas that happen during our relationship, 1 he spend it with his mother and her family that live in another city, the other one he spend it with his dad, and the last one his spend it with his mom and stepdad, he lives with them and she doesn't really care for christmas but they spent it with his stepdad family. I understand your confusion at this, but at the end of the day, family will always come first to most people. I feel at times and most recently that he doesnt love me anymore but he just doesnt know how to break up with me because lately this has been happening a lot and Im tired of fighting, I really love him. I then assure him that he can go play, and he will just walk off and go play. As difficult as it may be, try to remind yourself that your ex left because he wasnt willing to understand you and compromise. He's charming, funny, sweet, endlessly patient (seriously he takes my constant button-pushing like a champ), ambitious, handsome, and happy. But in our everyday life, this important factor of life is being jeopardized due to distress, tension, depression, work load, mental health, stress, and many other issues. What should I do if my boyfriend chooses his family over me? And it did end up coming down to that one, crucial choice: me. Im glad you agree with the post. Well Im afraid I can only provide a biased opinion having experiences of dating websites, when I felt I have been given the cold shoulder in meeting for special occasions close friends or families. ZGM5ODE2ZDlmMmYwM2Q2NzU0NGNkZTE1NWIxNjQyZjhkYmZkNTAxODQxN2Rh She makes his breakfast and lunch everyday and sometimes dinner. I dont want to have any regrets when he dies. What are your feelings on the This as you know him much better than I do? We talked about it calmly and nicely, but feel just a little hurt, especially after her daughter invited me to go there for Xmas lunch. He's living the high life and probably enjoys Tom's . he has been divorced for 4 years and has 3 children aged 17,20 and 22. To the point that he'll disregard my own as long as he pleases his family. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Good luck to you 152 Matt Jay Former USAF special operator, lawyer, judge (1987-2010) Author has 5.1K answers and 5.9M answer views 1 y Press J to jump to the feed. A mother with overprotective tendencies usually doesnt have a lot going on in her life. TL:DR I feel like I will always come second to my boyfriend's family. We are pretty serious. My boyfriend doesnt show me any love anymore. But I feel disregarded all the time. I've told him I feel this way and of course he told his parents and sister. Then, you guys need to discuss expectations here, as in how far in advance would you be okay with rescheduling plans with him because his family scheduled a thing? She doesnt realize that shes trying to fill the hole in her life and feel needed and important. We never saw him the 5 years he was married. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Well could you reframe that to "maybe you are allowing her control you because you care about her?". Why Does My Ex-boyfriend Still Want To Sleep With Me? Advice from Dr. Laura is, If you are going through this conflict with another person who has children of their own, repeat these words over and over again until they sink in: I love my daughter/son more than anything else in the world. October 11, 2022 by Zan. Hes not just going to magically change. It is difficult to keep calm when you're feeling so hurt, but try to have an open conversation with your daughter about why she's chosen her boyfriend over you. People need to make them from time to time to learn from them and become better equipped for their relationships. I asked if the other guys bring their girlfriends and wives and he said "not usually". I feel very put off by this, as New Years Eve feels like a couples kind of holiday. His family should be making room for you in their lives. -----BEGIN REPORT----- We are thinking of buying a house together but while house shopping I realized how much he cares about his family's opinion. MTQxNjUzYTY4NmM4ODY5YzE3ZjYwIn0= Where we work same city as mom. I don't know what to do, I don't want to lose her. I wished I have left sooner. Men, generally, promise to be there for their wives, to never leave them alone, to be their protector, and what not. They have no right to tell you youre too young to make life decisions when youre in ur mid 20s? OGVmYWYyNjVjN2FmZTk3YmM3YWNkNDc2ZGRjNjgzODk2NjBkYzczOGE4YThi If couples dont create boundaries with them early on, they can be persuaded into thinking their partner isnt good for them. MDIwYThjODdkYmRkODkxNjdmMjNjMWJiNzg2YzczOWNhNDNkMTAzMDkyNWE1 Move on then! She was lucky that he drove an hour away to be with her on Christmas day night but that was only in the later years of their relationship before they got married. So I am confused as to whats the hold up. I know we were raised differently. OTQ4N2U0NGQ0ZTQyMDJiNDgzMTRjYTYyNDUyNzQ3NDQxODU1MTFhZjk2MTY5 I am not sure what the next step is, but I know that this relationship has changed for me, and its time to move on, even if he doesnt want me in his life anymore. Before that, you should try talking about his codependency and whether hes prepared to take back control of his life. I, personally, can't even wrap my head around it. ITS ALL ABOUT MOM. OTA3OTUwODlkZmVmODAzYjI5MGQ3OWFiY2JlNTE0MWFjNmE1YzMyZGMxYjY4 & hes still saying we should go. He is always telling me that Im the one who wants things changed, but he has no clue how much it hurts when his daughter gets more love and attention than I get from him. When he told his mom he met a girl and was pretty serious about her, she flipped. I'm in the same situation. Think he's perfect for me, love everything about him. Partying was more important than being a wife and mom. relationship because of this. Hes ditching them to go to a last minute party. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. MGNjYjFjYWMyODk0ZWZhMTc1NTEyODk4Y2YwYzViYmNkM2VlNDA5ZmJkNDE1 ZmMzZDYxY2RlMDllMWYyNmQ3N2MxNWM3NjVjYWU1ZmNlYzkwYTNmNDc3Yjc4 This is how he wants to live. See additional information. What should I do about this?' Some of this depends on your ages and how long you've been together. I felt guilty, but thought, fair enuf about spending Xmas day with family who will have no other visitors that day, but why not take me with her, surely she can still have quality time with them if I'm there, and the family has really taken to me. Why can't he take you with him to see his family? My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup, doesnt understand relationship boundaries, getting out of his comfort zone and making decisions without his mother. Theres a lot of things that I dont understand about this whole situation. Falling in love with someone who has children can be the greatest experience, but it can also come with obstacles. An ultimatum should be the very last thing you give to solve a relationship crisis. You are learning this now. It will create new ones. Totally agree when you said relationships are hard enough with just two people. NDUxZjNhMGZjYzNjMDcwNWRiYWM3Y2ExNmQ5MjhkM2QwODMzNjAzYmE4NDc0 NTg2ZWU0ZTMzOTc1ZDMzZGVhZDg5MDZjZTAyYmJhYTE4OTY5M2E5MzYwNTgw so pretty much we only get to see each other on the couple of days i have off or at night. "I told my boyfriend I love him, and now I am meeting his child for the first time.". Y'all tripping. I feel alone & Im deeply hurt. For more information, please see our By PopSugar Written on May 23, 2022. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. Is that weird? YABVU They came as a package just like your DP and his children. this will be your entire life if you stay with him. And if you wish to discuss it with us, sign up for coaching on this page. And that wont solve any problems. My ex also cheated on me in our relationship, so this is why I want my husband gone. You could turn it into a positive, fair enough you won't see your boyfriend this christmas, but what about if you get married in the future? I asked him a couple of days ago what he was doing for Christmas. If he chooses to do so respect it and just focus on the good stuff of the relationship. I doubt you LOVE spending every moment with her family. Hes always doing everything with her because of that! My boyfriend chooses his family over me? He's prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she wants him to do. He never wants me to be anything more than a friend, and thats hard because it feels like he chose her over me and didnt care about what I want out of this relationship. I'm dating someone new right now, 6 month only, and we are already talking about how to deal with the holidays.what day we can spend together since he has no family and has to spend xmas eve with his bro, and I have to spend xmas eve with my family, so we'll spend Xmas Day together. They dont need a third person meddling with their business and giving them conflicting advice. She's being selfish. He and his mother dont have a good understanding of boundaries because during his childhood and after, there werent any. Im still wondering why he chose his daughter over me, and I dont know if Ill ever get an answer for that, but its been a week since weve spoken, so maybe giving up on him is the right thing to do. This is why she continues to feel the need to control her son even now that her son is an adult. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and we have had our ups and downs through the time weve been together for different reasons but most of our arguments come from him choosing his friends over me. I am the boyfriend in this scenario. its just super annoying to me that he constantly wants to go to his family dinners & parties instead of spending time with just the two of us. And then she left him so she could screw around. and our Sounds like an enmeshed family, and I know because I came from one. Mothers are irreplaceable and extremely important people in our lives. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, Scan this QR code to download the app now. He is perfect for you Except, hes not. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! its the craziest shitbefore covid i didnt know they were like this. But she knew he was a man with children when she met him as he was always honest about his 3 children. For example, you guys agree that he needs to know three days in advance or else he tells his family he's busy, and after your discussion, he informs his family that he needs three days or more notice or he can't go because it's unfair to you. Your best bet for the current situation is to tell him to go to this and make it up to you later. I can't picture how awkward that household is. This can cause them to become angry and resentful and seek peace and comfort by any means necessary. Is this just the pressure of buying a house? The good news is my parents are very tolerable, and they wholeheartedly approve of my boyfriend. Dont get me wrong. Maybe its time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. MjM2NzcyODM2MTM5NWEyOTRjNTg1YjMyNmQ5YjJmODRmYjc1ZGQ1MDE0ZDA4 My boyfriend and I met online and have been together a little over a month. Rotate, take turns, whatever.but partner should be compromising to try and spend a holiday with you once in a while. MTNiYjJlNzQwM2YwNjVmOWI0OTI5NDRjYmYxZTc4ZjYyZWQ5ZDY4MjMzMGVl For example, they may talk every day, meet every weekend, frequently offer opinions, and discuss what your own family would never dare to broach. What could I have done differently? Thanks this is really helpful. You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for empathetic, specific, and genuinely insightful relationship advice at its most convenient. Where we liveclose to mom. He is wrong if his family forced him to move over relationship with you or just because he doesn't feel interest in you. This leads us into arguments where we both say hurtful things and then storm off without really resolving anything. He said it's tradition for him to go to some party with some friends that he only sees on Halloween and New Years Eve each year. That couldn't be further from the truth. ZWRmNGZjODBmNTBkYmJlOGQ5NWI5ZWJmNGQ0NDVhMGVkODlhYTZiNDVjN2M0 Starting to feel that's just how it is and I have to deal with it to be with him. OGMxYThkM2NmYzJmNTNkYzYzZjllMjUxYmJmMjkzYjc2ZTBjNjg0MDMzZTU2 Looks like they are codependent. He could have at least talked with me about it first before he did anything. Should My Boyfriend Tell Me Where He Is Going? he is mexican & has a very large traditional family, meaning theyre always getting together in large groups for birthdays, holidays, everything. People who always put their family first are common and normal, you cant force them to just stop hanging out with their family because you want them to. Need to talk to her about having to make compromises, rotate holidays every other year. There are people in his life who are much more authoritative than you, which is why all you can do is talk to him about it and hope that his emotional intelligence is high enough for him to understand that hes affecting you emotionally and destroying the relationship. Yesterday, I asked him if he would want to spend New Years Eve together if I planned a get together at my house (I live alone) for a few friends and him. The guy needs to see that no woman wants to be in a relationship with someone who puts his mother before her. I believe it is OK, because he needs some time to catch up with his family. Its not unusual for men to listen to their mothers as many sons and mothers have strong bonds and get along well. My boyfriend spend the weekend with his ex. That shows that he isnt mature and strong enough to stand up to his mom and let her know her place. I am still struggling to understand why he chose his daughter over me.
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